I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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