Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
What a dumb baby whore.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
