i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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