sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
