I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
