I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
