Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize