Ambien. No doubt about it.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
