Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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