Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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