she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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