i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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