people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize