how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
