You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
