guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
