currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
