Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
