I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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