I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
