So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
