Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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