Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize