Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
