I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
