i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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