I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
