you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
