Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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