I feel like I'm in dance class right now
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
