I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
