I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
