I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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