Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize