I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
