I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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