So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
