he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you had me at cake vodka
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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