I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
