I think I died a long time ago.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
