Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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