Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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