I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
