things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
