I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
