Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
