You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
