hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
