I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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