So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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