so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am one with the molecules
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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