hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
