She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A bitchslap is in order.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
