He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize