Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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