can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
