DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she smelled like a LAN party
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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