Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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