I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
