I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize