Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
