is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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