I need help removing her.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
