It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
