there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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