that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
