Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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