i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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