i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
