His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
