that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
