She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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