so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
