Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
