I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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