So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
