My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
