Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
