I hate all girls vehemently.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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