Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
