I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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