she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
