Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
