You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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