you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
