should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
