ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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