I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
