If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
