You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
