Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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