It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
