I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
