this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
