loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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