The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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