i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
