I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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